On Re-evaluating my life

This weekend was horrible. Nothing like coming down with the worst stomach bug ever on Easter Sunday and completely ruining the holiday. Add to that the fact that the water heater was out so I couldnt take a hot bath (the most healing thing ever) and the fact that I have had to beg a prof. not to drop my grade (who is not responding) and, well, a breakdown was inevitable.

After hearing about a favorite prof leaving because her overloaded teaching schedule has not allowed her to do what she loves, I got to thinking last night about all of the things this place and my decision to be here have cost me. Here is my list:

--I no longer cook.
--My house is in shambles.
--Husband, who is working insane hours, is now responsible for the laundry.
--Havent scrapbooked in years.
--Havent had time to do the decorating projects that would make my home more pleasant.
--Do not get to spend any real time with husband and kids.
--The online group that I cherish never hears from me.
--Best friend in Kentucky never hears from me.
--Best sister rarely hears from me.
--Most importantly, GOD never hears from me. This makes me think of the song that a choir member in church sings that says basically: Hey, this is God. I am not asking for much. I just want to talk to you.

I miss all of these things. This education is simply not worth all that it is costing me right now. I am tired and drained both physically and psychologically. Since I have been on so many meds, my psych meds are not working right now so I do not have that to fall back on. Not that they would be doing much anyway.

Will I quit? Heck NO!!!! I will fight the good fight for the next 4 agonizing weeks. I will do my absolute best and let the chips fall where they may. I WILL make changes after. I am going to take one summer course then only 3 in the fall then I will be DONE.

What about grad school? I cannot honestly answer that one at the moment. Right now, I am leaning toward long term subbing and taking 1 class. I cannot let myself get like this again. My body and mind cannot do it.