On learning how to handle pressure without meds

Well, I am down to 1/4 dose of Luvox. Really not a dose at all considering the smallest prescribed dose is twice this amount. I have found, much to my chagrin, that I was really relying on the meds to handle things and not putting into action all that I have learned from Lucy like I thought I was.

It has not been an easy transition for me. I know, without a doubt, that I can succeed without the meds, but I have also come to realize that relying on the meds and not on God and my inner strength is MUCH MUCH easier! While on the meds, I can eat whatever I want and it does not affect my moods. Off the meds, sugar and caffeine send me into the heights of anxiety where I do not want to be. It's like I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to be off the meds and anxiety free yet I still want my junk food and Diet Coke. I feel so totally immature at this point. Isn't being a grown up learning to deal with having to do things that you do not want to do?

On the flip side, with each anxiety episode that I am able to work through, I feel just a bit stronger. Since reducing my dose, I no longer feel hungry all the time. I have energy for the first time in years. I LIKE the way I feel for the majority of the time. It is those times, especially in the evenings, when I feel anxious and just do not feel like dealing with it. It would be so much easier to let the meds take care of it but I am determined to at least give the non medicated life a real try. Once we get back from vacation, my plan is to totally change my diet.

Just so that there is no misunderstanding, I firmly believe in drug therapy. Many people I know could not survive without it. In those cases, the benefits far outweigh the bad side effects. In my case, I feel that the drugs were a way for me to get over the worst of the PTSD and depression and would like very much to see if I can make it without them. If, in the end, this is not possible, I will have no issue with going back on them. I just feel that I owe it to myself to see if I have the coping skills to deal with life without them.